When people ask me “What’s your type?”, I tend to lack words for a response. Sometimes I might focus on a personality trait or two that I think I like, but in actuality, I’m not exactly sure what kinds of traits are compatible with mine in a romantic relationship. I don’t really have a frame of reference.

There’s a saying that you tend to date the people that resemble your parents. That could mean their personality, values, or how they look. But I never grew up with my parents. Perhaps this is why coming up with a ‘basic type’ is difficult for me. Some people focus on a certain body type, or a particular race. Some people only go for nerds while others prefer athletic types. But I’ve found people of all sizes, all races, all genders, and a multitude of personality types to be attractive. It’s come to the point where I could see myself with almost anyone, as long as I enjoyed their particular combo of aesthetic and temperament.

It becomes a problem, however, when I’m actively trying to find someone to date. The options before me are so vast that I end up having decision fatigue, meaning I’d stay single more often than not. And I end up being more comfortable single as well. Relationships tend to be short and sparse.

There are several reasons why my previous relationships have ended as they did. Typically they all ended mutually, as I am the ever-dedicated problem-solver and the talking-things-out-chick. But as I light-speed toward my 30s and continue in my self-improvement…am I really ready to be in a long-term relationship?

Ironically, I ask myself this after already establishing a new one. As someone who takes things into consideration at a turtle’s speed, this one took me by complete surprise. I like to say that I never establish anything for sure until the first fight, yet I have no idea how we’ll be when that day comes. And that’s crazy to me. The question “Am I choosing wrong?” pops into my head every once in a while. But there isn’t much to be wrong about.

Each relationship teaches you something. My first taught me to be completely honest with myself and himself, and to deeply think about my needs and boundaries. My second taught me to be less gullible. My third taught me how to give space when dealing with severe insecurity. My fourth taught me not to rely too much on one person. And my fifth taught me the nuance of when to stand my ground, or when to back off and listen.

None of these past relationships were for naught. And neither will this one.

What makes my current one different is that I am now in a place where I feel completely myself. I don’t feel the need to front. And my self-love is as strong as ever. That’s very new. I feel excited to see what a relationship built on this sturdier foundation will look like. Every day, if I see 11:11 on the clock, I wish for a long, healthy relationship. I pray for it, yearn for it, and wait.

So I’m hoping that maybe, possibly, it’s finally here.

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